Monday, 19 December 2005
>> just some thots...
met up with ping, ni and ting on sat after work to discuss abt our xmas plans, at the same time we drew lots to decide who to buy xmas gifts for. i got... shh cant say at this moment lah. but i think should be able to get a gift within our set budget of ten bucks. since i will be going to town tmr to have dinner with my sups, so i think i will go earlier to get the gift.
anyway, back to my title. recently i kept having this thoughts in my mind, that is sometimes i feel that im a loner. not as in the kind that isolates themselves from the whole world, sit and face the walls 24hours, but rather i prefer to be alone when im outside shopping or at most with my mother. i dun like to shop with others esp frens, wat i mean is i like to pei2 ren2 shop cos its really fun to see ppl buy clothes, but i myself i dun like others to be around me when i shop. dunno why im so selfish and freaking stupid lah. dun ask me why.
this person(i think u know who u are if u read this entry) once told me she dun like to dine alone outside cos she will feel very and pathetic like that. she will feel very funny with no fren or family to eat with her. i still remembered she said that day she was having her lunch alone and she just finished her lunch very quickly to go home asap.
ok but ppl like me(of cos i do know if ppl like me also lah) who dun mind eating alone. basically i think its not the lunch thing that matter cos many ppl dun mind eating alone. but i just realised recently that im actually not the kind that can act shou2 with everyone i meet. i admit im a very talkative person usually, but just dunno why, whenever im with a group of frens/colleagues watsoever, there have been really many occasions that i tend to be the quietest after sometime. not like i cant join in the conversation cos its doesnt apply to me, but usually i just dunno how to keep talking and talking alot. im someone who dun like to have leng3 chang3, but im definitely not the one who will warm things up. very often, i have been in situations where everyone is so enthu talking but i just dunno wat to cut in and say. im the kind that dun usually gossip and ask ppl questions, but i always hope that its others who start it off by asking me questions and i will gladly answer it. i always hope i can answer questions instead of asking.
i suddenly had all this weird thinking when an fren asked me out on sun morning to ask me to go pei2 her go town shop shop. i have known this fren for years and we are really on perfectly good terms and know each other really well. but i just didnt feel like going cos i know it will be very leng chang if we are so shou2 yet nothing to say. den end up i like only say "yah yah.." all day. probably she will feel that everythings ok, but i wouldnt. i just dun like the funny feeling of being awkard.
anyway, dun need to console me that im always counted in or u will not forget me etc. or disagree that im a quiet girl. the above are just my feelings accumulated all this years. Seriously, i know IM NOT ALWAYS A CHATTY AND TALKATIVE AND OUTSPOKEN GIRL THAT U MAY THINK. i know this definitely...
but nonetheless, i want my friends!!!! i want you all!!!
6:40:00 pm;
