Tuesday, 30 May 2006
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didnt really wanna say this, but im just kinda sad.
my mother doesnt encourage me to do better for my next test... all my frens, even my supervisior consoled me when they knew i failed my test again. i was so happy to know that i've got frens to give me moral support, though i have disappointed them again. im so sorry peeps.. but thats not the main thing.
the moment i stepped home today after my test, my mother gave me that dunno-how-to-describe expression. i can just say that it contains disappointment, but no encouragement and smile at all. at that moment i felt i was really like a stupid idiot who disappoints her mother utterly. i know im at fault for failing (esp this test cos i did really lousy and i didnt even know wat i was doing during the test also). it was just a complete flop. i know all that. but as my mother, someone who pays for my fees, wants me to get a license asap, shouldnt her also give me some bare minimum moral support. i just needed simple words like " 好好驾啊，不要紧张， 尽力就好了”。 or at the very least, say sth like "learn from your mistakes this time round and pass next time, or not fees very expensive..." i dun mind she mention abt the fees cos its really ex. but i was really so sad but wat she told me today... until im even crying when im typing this entry. seriously i dun have the bravery to see her expressions if im gonna fail again.
so wat did she say exactly. she said this," im really very disappointed in you. i thot u could do better den last time de. why u dun have confidence in yourself? i expected that u wouldnt pass de cos i always see u so no confidence, like ai mai ai mai...see now gotta spend somemore money again to retake... papa also disappointed in you liao..."
i have seldom been so upset by wat my mother says, but the things she told me and her reaction to my failure really hurts me so deeply. if not for all those smses from u guys to keep me consoled, i think i would really have broken down crying right in front of my mother. i got out of my house to meet ping and queen before i really cry liao... i dun wanna face my mother...
even when i got back just now, she still didnt have any hao2 lian3 se4 for me, just pretended that nth happen... but the disappointment and coldness, I CAN FEEL IT RIGHT AWAY.
im gg to think carefully if im gonna take my next test. cos the thought of facing the failure all over again and spending all that $...
but anyway, so glad that i caught over the hedge today which was so damn funny. cheered up my day at least...
1:00:00 am;
